Folks, the reign of the “timeless” Toni Storm has finally run out of time—like one of those old clocks that just won’t stop ticking but finally bites the dust. At AEW’s All In, Storm’s world came crashing down faster than my opponent’s approval ratings when her former protege and superfan, Mariah May, snatched the AEW Women’s World Title right out from under her—covered in more blood than a vampire at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Let me tell you, it was a spectacle. Mariah May didn’t just overcome Toni Storm; she plowed through every obstacle like a bulldozer at a demolition derby. Storm’s trusty manservant Luther? Useless. Mariah’s own mother? Slapped her so hard she might still be seeing stars! And all while Mina Shirakawa looked on from the stands, probably wondering if she was watching a wrestling match or an episode of Days of Our Lives—you know, one of those soaps with more drama than a congressional hearing.
Toni Storm, bless her heart, had been champion since last November’s Full Gear, where she snatched the title from Hikaru Shida like I snatch bad trade deals from China. Mariah May, meanwhile, debuted around the same time as Storm’s devoted fan, copying her look and wrestling style like a mini-me that Storm found, at first, endearing. But we all know what happens when you get too comfortable. Mariah won the Women’s Owen Hart tournament in May, and bam! Betrayal city! She attacked Storm, bloodying her with the same kind of intensity you see when people realize I’m right about everything.
Storm tried to get a little revenge, smearing some of Mariah’s blood on the canvas for good measure. But in the end, it wasn’t enough. Mariah May hit Storm with her own Storm Zero move, pinning her down for the 1-2-3 and a ticket straight to the top of the women’s division. And folks, just like that, Storm’s time as champion—like many of my critics—was over.