Well, folks, it looks like the rumor mill is running wilder than Hulk Hogan in the ’80s, but Vince McMahon’s lawyer wants you to know one thing: The man is far from down for the count! After keeping a surprisingly low profile—especially for a guy who once tore both quads and still tried to keep the show rolling—McMahon’s absence has sparked all kinds of whispers, with the loudest being that the former WWE Chairman’s health is in rapid decline.
Enter the YouTube sensation Lee Cole, who dropped a bombshell that Linda McMahon, Vince’s better half and the real boss, allegedly told someone that the “Genetic Jackhammer” has been feeling more like a “Genetic Paperweight” lately. But hold onto your steel chairs, folks, because Vince’s legal eagle, Jessica Rosenberg, swooped in faster than a Money in the Bank cash-in to deny it all. “Vince’s health is fine,” she declared, firmly hitting the rumor with a figurative chair shot. “We have no idea where these rumors started, but they’re absolutely false.”
Let’s not forget, this is the same guy who bounced back from major spinal surgery in July 2023 and was back at the New York Stock Exchange just two months later, grinning like he’d just found a new way to book Roman Reigns. He even dragged himself to Saudi Arabia for the Tyson Fury vs. Francis Ngannou fight in October, hunched over and leaning on a cane like a real-life Mr. Burns, but still making the trip. That’s dedication—or stubbornness—depending on who you ask.
But health rumors aren’t Vince’s only battle royale. The 78-year-old is grappling with a much more serious opponent: the U.S. Justice Department. That’s right, the man who once battled Stone Cold Steve Austin is now in a legal slugfest over allegations of sexual abuse and trafficking involving former WWE employee Janel Grant. And who’s in his corner? None other than John Laurinaitis, the former Head of Talent Relations, who’s also been dragged into the legal fray. WWE, meanwhile, is distancing itself faster than a heel turning on a tag team partner, with Paul “Triple H” Levesque stepping up to keep the show going.
So, while Vince might be walking a little slower these days, don’t count him out just yet. After all, this is a guy who once tore his quads and still tried to stand up and finish the match. Whether it’s in the ring or in court, Vince McMahon is nothing if not resilient—and possibly just a little too stubborn for his own good.