Folks, let’s talk about how Rhea Ripley kept her throne as the Women’s World Champion at WWE WrestleMania 40, making Becky Lynch look like she was trying to navigate a filibuster on the Senate floor. The evening kicked off with Lynch reciting poetry from her memoir—imagine that, a little literature before the fireworks. Then, Ripley made her grand entrance with Motionless In White providing the soundtrack, like having your own rock concert just to walk down to the ring.

In the clash that followed, Ripley came out swinging, setting the pace like she was leading a parade. Lynch, resilient as ever, tried to flip the script with her signature Dis-Arm-Her move, aiming to make Ripley tap out faster than a Morse code operator. But Ripley, showcasing the tenacity of a filibustering senator, powered through.

After escaping Lynch’s grip, Ripley landed an Electric Chair—no, not that kind, thankfully—on Lynch outside the ring, then tossed her back in like it was last call at a bar. The finale saw Ripley deliver a Riptide, securing the win with a three-count that felt as final as a Supreme Court ruling.

This victory wasn’t just another notch on Ripley’s championship belt; it was like the passing of a bill, with Lynch, the seasoned veteran, endorsing Ripley, the rising star. Ripley’s title run has been more impressive than finding bipartisan agreement, boasting wins over top contenders and solidifying her status as a champion since her victory over Charlotte Flair last year.

As for Lynch, whose contract talks are buzzing like a contested election, her future might be as open as a town hall meeting. Despite the uncertainty, she’s hinted at staying in the WWE arena for the long haul, much like a lifelong career in public service.

By Joseph Gallery

I like ice cream, taking a back seat, wondering who I am, and pretending kayfabe is real. May or may not be the Real Dark Brandon. For the LOLZ. MALARKEY!

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